If I had to boil down one central idea to give to my friends it is this message that in each of us lies a love question we all need answered. Consider this in your heart do you give life to your wife/husband and/or significant other?
“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
God made Adam first and put him in the Garden with a job to do, a mission to fulfill. In the heart of every fallen man is the self-doubt that wonders, “Am I man enough to climb this mountain God has called me to? Can I fulfill my destiny?” A wise wife will understand that question at the center of her husband’s heart. And she will spend her life answering it, communicating to him in various ways, “Honey, I believe in your call. I know you can do this, by God’s power. Go for it.” In this way, she will breathe life into her man.
God made Eve from Adam, for Adam, to help him follow the call. In the heart of every fallen woman is the self-doubt that wonders, “Do I please you? Am I what you wanted?” A wise husband will understand that question at the center of his wife’s heart. And he will spend his life answering it, communicating to her in various ways, “Darling, you are the one I need. I cherish you. Let me hold you close.” In this way, he will breathe life into his wife.
By Pastor Dr.Ray Orlund
I hope you spend the rest of your time breathing life into your Eve/Adam by answering their question.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 08, 2010
The wounds we deliver - Parenthood
The words of Henri Nouwen, a Jesuit Priest remind me today of words that I have spoken often to my fellow parents that our kids are strangers in our house. We have been given these children to help them find God’s purpose for their lives. What I want to call your attention to is the wounds we give our children that we might not realize we inflict upon them. My own experience is that the greatest wound we can give to our kids is to treat them as our property. When we treat them as if we own them, it brings out own insecurity and lack of faith that God will work out their lives without our control and manipulation. The foundation/covenant of God’s love and therefore ours too is to love. Foundational to love is freedom; a freedom to make decisions as to what is right(towards God’s will) or wrong(away from God’s will). Controlling our kids breeds great anxiety in them by fostering a fear if they do make their own decision and it results in a failure that we might not love them or judge them; judgment is a withdrawal of love.
I have seen and experienced firsthand the lifelong damage that controlling parents have had on their grown children. The results of this judgment and control breed insecure adults who are unable to deal with how hard life is, so they turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex. These coping mechanisms let them feel good temporarily and in the end due to the guilt of the cover up sins, it compounds the original defeating issue resulting in furthering to decrease their self esteem(worth less to God or anyone feeling). Insecurity is really a lack of feeling loved and when we are not loved the burn of loneliness creeps in. A wise psychologist said that these life forces rule our every decision in life; fear of abandonment, need for autonomy, and the need to be connected. Funny thing is this sounds like the basis of love and it came from a non-Christian therapist.
I know and have been guilty of trying to control my kid’s by telling them what do and think in hopes they will not make a mistake. We as parents need to realize our mistakes made us who we are today. Most of you I know well enough to somewhat understand your wounds. It is the healing of those wounds that has made each of us into beautiful works of God and why I enjoy and learn from each of you. God literally broke/killed His only Son in order to give us life. So, I plead with each one of you today to let your kids make mistakes and not control them, so they too can know Jesus and understand that we like Him, love them no matter what they do. My job is to share my experiences with my kids and to create a safe loving environment by which if they do fail/fall that they can come to me and God for comfort and further guidance. If we take the vantage point of controlling them, they will seek someone other than us or God to bear their mistake which is usually not a good thing.
Don’t take my word look at your friends who had controlling judgmental parents. I will bet most of them have issues that are apparent. Take a minute to read the excerpt below. I know you will and especially your kids be blessed by Henri’s wisdom.
The Great Gift of Parenthood
Children are their parents' guests. They come into the space that has been created for them, stay for a while - fifteen, twenty, or twenty-five years - and leave again to create their own space. Although parents speak about "our son" and "our daughter," their children are not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.The greatest gift parents can give their children is their love for each other. Through that love they create an anxiety-free place for their children to grow, encouraging them to develop confidence in themselves and find the freedom to choose their own ways in life.
These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.
I have seen and experienced firsthand the lifelong damage that controlling parents have had on their grown children. The results of this judgment and control breed insecure adults who are unable to deal with how hard life is, so they turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex. These coping mechanisms let them feel good temporarily and in the end due to the guilt of the cover up sins, it compounds the original defeating issue resulting in furthering to decrease their self esteem(worth less to God or anyone feeling). Insecurity is really a lack of feeling loved and when we are not loved the burn of loneliness creeps in. A wise psychologist said that these life forces rule our every decision in life; fear of abandonment, need for autonomy, and the need to be connected. Funny thing is this sounds like the basis of love and it came from a non-Christian therapist.
I know and have been guilty of trying to control my kid’s by telling them what do and think in hopes they will not make a mistake. We as parents need to realize our mistakes made us who we are today. Most of you I know well enough to somewhat understand your wounds. It is the healing of those wounds that has made each of us into beautiful works of God and why I enjoy and learn from each of you. God literally broke/killed His only Son in order to give us life. So, I plead with each one of you today to let your kids make mistakes and not control them, so they too can know Jesus and understand that we like Him, love them no matter what they do. My job is to share my experiences with my kids and to create a safe loving environment by which if they do fail/fall that they can come to me and God for comfort and further guidance. If we take the vantage point of controlling them, they will seek someone other than us or God to bear their mistake which is usually not a good thing.
Don’t take my word look at your friends who had controlling judgmental parents. I will bet most of them have issues that are apparent. Take a minute to read the excerpt below. I know you will and especially your kids be blessed by Henri’s wisdom.
The Great Gift of Parenthood
Children are their parents' guests. They come into the space that has been created for them, stay for a while - fifteen, twenty, or twenty-five years - and leave again to create their own space. Although parents speak about "our son" and "our daughter," their children are not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.The greatest gift parents can give their children is their love for each other. Through that love they create an anxiety-free place for their children to grow, encouraging them to develop confidence in themselves and find the freedom to choose their own ways in life.
These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Have Not's and The Have's
Have Not's hate the Have's. The Have’s hate the Have Not’s. And nobody is left in the middle. I want the middle but I am finding it a hard place to find. Hey doesn’t Jesus want us to be Have Not’s? Maybe that’s why He has taken from me from a Have... to the middle on my way down to be a Have Not. Don’t hate me my Have friends, I won't take you down with me unless you want to go.
FaceBook Post
From JS - I dont think Jesus wants us to be a have not; but rather wants us to give generously on all occaisions; I dont think doing that as have not will not work very well.
September 28 at 1:53pm
My Reply - Bad Theology when I hear the Prosperity Bible Pitch. The Way as Jesus showed us: To Believe Jesus is God(faith), He chooses to save us, saved produces good works, we die, we are resurrected by Jesus who judges us by our works either rewards us or 2nd permanent death occur. Luke 14:27, John 12:25, Mark 8:35, Mat 16:26, Mar 10:25. I don’t think anything Christ talks about being a HAVE in this life! In the eternal life Have all you want if only if you have been saved and have good works.
September 28 at 2:44pm
From GW - HE wants us to focus "not of this world", but of the world of everlasting life. HE does want to bless us here on this earth ("in heaven as it was on earth") just not loose our focus. HE blessed so many in the bible, Solomon, David, Job - unfortunately, look what happens to most - they loose focus on the Word.
September 28 at 3:17pm
From JS - Here's a couple of verses that have meant a lot to me. I'm not a theologian so I would say any theology good or bad, on my part, was inadvertent. I have personal relationship with him that time and time again, I've experienced that he loves me so much and that he is my provision. Each and every time all my needs are met according to his riches. (Philippians 4:19) Jesus Came that we might have life and have it abundantly...John 10:10, 3 Jo 1:2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. and I always encourage people to remember that it is the "Love" of money that is the root of all evil. NOT money itself. And isn't the gift of "giving" one of the spiritual gifts? If it was more noble to be poor financially and to be a "have not" wouldn't we be cursing others when we give to them? Isn't this whole idea of poverty being piety, creating a double bind on all who hear it? I think that's why it's hard to find the middle.
September 28 at 4:09pm
From - GW - Well said Joseph
September 28 at 4:14pm
From JS - Thanks George. What if all the "Haves" loved the "have nots" ? then everybody would be covered. :)
September 28 at 4:40pm
My Reply - Joe, not coming after you but I hear so many people think and especially the churches tell people that if you just follow Christ life will be easier. Then the church gets people into doing Christianity and the hole point to Christ as you put so well it to have relationship with Him. It is that relationship that fuels good works and leads us away from greed, gluttony, pride etc.. those things that rob us from true life in Christ. Yes Yes TWO Commandments Christ said were the most important Love God and Love Each other and the rest would fall in place. Our evil run culture give us the Have and Have Not arena to keep us fighting and not loving.
September 28 at 4:45pm
From GW - Joseph, if all the Haves loved the Have nots this world would be a much better place. The most important commandment given us is to Love. period, no questions, no asterisks, just Love. All I concern myself with every day is this...Do I "HAVE" Christ in my heart and am I sharing HIS love with the "Havenots"?
September 28 at 4:59pm
My Reply -Have Not's Fear not meeting their needs. The Have's Fear not meeting their wants. Philippians 4 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. It is all about Christ
September 29 at 8:43am
From GW - To look at it another way MP. There are really only two groups of people in this world, the Haves and the Have Nots...I agree, but you either Have CHRIST and are saved, or you Have not and are lost...just something to think about.
September 29 at 9:04am
FaceBook Post
From JS - I dont think Jesus wants us to be a have not; but rather wants us to give generously on all occaisions; I dont think doing that as have not will not work very well.
September 28 at 1:53pm
My Reply - Bad Theology when I hear the Prosperity Bible Pitch. The Way as Jesus showed us: To Believe Jesus is God(faith), He chooses to save us, saved produces good works, we die, we are resurrected by Jesus who judges us by our works either rewards us or 2nd permanent death occur. Luke 14:27, John 12:25, Mark 8:35, Mat 16:26, Mar 10:25. I don’t think anything Christ talks about being a HAVE in this life! In the eternal life Have all you want if only if you have been saved and have good works.
September 28 at 2:44pm
From GW - HE wants us to focus "not of this world", but of the world of everlasting life. HE does want to bless us here on this earth ("in heaven as it was on earth") just not loose our focus. HE blessed so many in the bible, Solomon, David, Job - unfortunately, look what happens to most - they loose focus on the Word.
September 28 at 3:17pm
From JS - Here's a couple of verses that have meant a lot to me. I'm not a theologian so I would say any theology good or bad, on my part, was inadvertent. I have personal relationship with him that time and time again, I've experienced that he loves me so much and that he is my provision. Each and every time all my needs are met according to his riches. (Philippians 4:19) Jesus Came that we might have life and have it abundantly...John 10:10, 3 Jo 1:2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. and I always encourage people to remember that it is the "Love" of money that is the root of all evil. NOT money itself. And isn't the gift of "giving" one of the spiritual gifts? If it was more noble to be poor financially and to be a "have not" wouldn't we be cursing others when we give to them? Isn't this whole idea of poverty being piety, creating a double bind on all who hear it? I think that's why it's hard to find the middle.
September 28 at 4:09pm
From - GW - Well said Joseph
September 28 at 4:14pm
From JS - Thanks George. What if all the "Haves" loved the "have nots" ? then everybody would be covered. :)
September 28 at 4:40pm
My Reply - Joe, not coming after you but I hear so many people think and especially the churches tell people that if you just follow Christ life will be easier. Then the church gets people into doing Christianity and the hole point to Christ as you put so well it to have relationship with Him. It is that relationship that fuels good works and leads us away from greed, gluttony, pride etc.. those things that rob us from true life in Christ. Yes Yes TWO Commandments Christ said were the most important Love God and Love Each other and the rest would fall in place. Our evil run culture give us the Have and Have Not arena to keep us fighting and not loving.
September 28 at 4:45pm
From GW - Joseph, if all the Haves loved the Have nots this world would be a much better place. The most important commandment given us is to Love. period, no questions, no asterisks, just Love. All I concern myself with every day is this...Do I "HAVE" Christ in my heart and am I sharing HIS love with the "Havenots"?
September 28 at 4:59pm
My Reply -Have Not's Fear not meeting their needs. The Have's Fear not meeting their wants. Philippians 4 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. It is all about Christ
September 29 at 8:43am
From GW - To look at it another way MP. There are really only two groups of people in this world, the Haves and the Have Nots...I agree, but you either Have CHRIST and are saved, or you Have not and are lost...just something to think about.
September 29 at 9:04am
Friday, July 31, 2009
What A Man Wants
continued.. What a man wants is a woman to show him how to love, to show him beauty and to invite him into relationship. He needs freedom, he needs a fight to undertake, he needs a safe place to come back from the battle of life. What he doesn't need is to be controlled or the wildness taken out of him. And this too is how we should raise our sons. That is how to stir a man's heart and get what you want!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Finding Eve, Finding Adam - sermon
What Our Parents Should Of Taught US
What I am about to tell you comes from deep in my heart. It is from years of experience and how if I could do it over I would do it differently. I want you to have an unbelievable life filled with Love. In a way I know you will make a lot of mistakes like I have in trying to find love. I just hope I can make a difference and show you some of the pitfalls to avoid. I hope you know you too can find love. I pray you don’t miss it like some many people have and die without finding your true Adam/Eve. You can choose here to numb up, give into what culture is teaching you or you can embrace a different way of life. One that Jesus came to tell us about living and loving from our heart. This is the life God intended you to have. Here is what I tell my daughters and son. At the end I have written some honesty letters I hope you will use as you purse finding love.
I would do it differently but no one told me these things I am telling you. I think we as parents are afraid if we tell you our mistakes you will want to make the same ones! I doubt that. You will make different ones. I want to equip you with wisdom and tools to help you navigate life. This is really important for most of us the pain in life is from making poor choices about love because no one taught us these relationship skills early on it our lives. We just had to figure this out by trial and error.
(FOR MEN)
Young men you have tremendous power and influence over young women. They seek and want your approval which causes them to want to please you. This wanting to please you sexually is not out of love but out of the need to be accepted by you. So remember when you ask her to have sex with you that you are taking something very precious from her. You are taking part of her heart, her gift and you are trying to fit that missing rib piece. You cannot give it back to her through words or any deeds. You take a small piece of her flesh, her spirit. In my experience I live with the thought of everyone woman I have had intimate relations with and today that does not feel right in my heart.
As men we find ourselves pursuing woman with all sorts of energy and charm. We romance them. We treat them like gifts they are. This courting process is very intense and the women love it. Why do they love it? They soak it up because this is what their hearts dream about to be treated like a princess. The problem comes when we do capture their hearts, we become intimate with them then soon after when the chase is over and thrill of the capture is over we lose interest. We have conquered them got to know them intimately then something in us loses interest so we dump them. The women feel used for they ask why did he pursue me so hard then to have sex with me then he left me. Why I don’t understand I must not be good enough pretty enough, not sexy enough!! Why did we lose interest? I will submit to you all that what drives us to find Eve, to woe her, get to Know her is that innate drive to find our missing piece. I don’t care how old we are 16 or 50 this drive also about us not wanting to be truly alone. We mistakenly call this a sex drive and therefore seek to satisfy it by just a physical act. What I want you to understand that just satisfying the physical desire by using women will cause you and her much harm. You will find out that the physical act done alone with love and commitment creates a bigger need. Lust takes over you will look for more and more experiences to fill this unquenchable desire. This will lead you to high risk sex and porn. Porn will destroy your ability to be truly intimate with a woman. Porn does not require intimacy it doesn’t require you to be a man. It is false sexuality and a sin. Everything around from movies to main stream media to your friends have deceived you by telling you sex is selfish and about gratification. Seriously men this where we get our hearts into lots of trouble, this is not the way to find meaning in life. We are conditioned and rewired to have sex before we develop love and intimacy and commitment. For the most part woman have not be rewired to the extent by culture like we have. They still understand their hearts much better than we do and seek commitment, intimacy and love prior to sex. But they give in to your constant pressure because they fear they will not be like if they don’t and culture is also making them think it’s ok to give in even though their hearts and intuition cry out “NO, I don’t even really know this guy.”
Men you have a huge task in front of you and that is to rewire yourself to control your impulses, to discipline your sexual desire and energies and focus those in other places, hopefully to advance God’s kingdom. You don’t have to conquer women to be a man. You have to be careful with you strength for this ability has been give to use to not find many women but to find that ONE WOMAN your EVE. Save as much as you can for that one. Then when you have found her give her all you got. Give her the Gift of You for a life time, better yet how about for an eternity. I know I know this is a huge sacrifice I struggle with this myself. But I believe and there are men who have done this and the payoff can be more joy than you can believe or you can do it like most of us WRONG be unhappily married, unfulfilled, stressed out and miss out on finding your true EVE. She is out there just don’t settle and don’t give up until you can SAY as Adam said “this is bone of my bone flesh of my flesh”. Her are some signs you found her when your friends all say you are stupid for not marrying her soon. Then you know you have found the right one! J If your friends and family don’t like her beware. Also listen to God he will definitely help primarily through irritations. When you don’t heed the irritations God has shown you then you are doomed for troubles trust me I ignored way to many!
THE HONESTY LETTERS for men – If you could ask each new love interest you encounter after the first date to write you a letter this is what each might say. We’ll put a spell of absolute truth on them so they really tell you their thoughts. I don’t think you will need a spell but a simple pray of discernment might help. These are three letters the first from the HURTING SARA, the second the POPULAR JANE, the third from SWEET HEART let’s call her your Eve. I hope these help you identify the right men to date.
Letter 1
Dear Adam:
I am HURTING SARA. I have a lot of problems and I am depressed most of the time because the mistakes and choices I have made early in my life. I don’t feel safe or right if I am not with a man. I go from one relationship to the next. I hate being alone. I had sex when I was 14 with a guy that was 18. He dumped me after he had sex with me. He said I was too immature. I like to party and drink vodka, it takes away my worries. My parents don’t understand me and pretty much leave me alone. They don’t care when I come home at night. Most of my problems are not my fault. I really don’t enjoy sex, but I will do it to please you, so you will stay around. I wear sexy cloths to get attention. School is a drag. I am not involved in much it just a waste of time. I hope you think I am pretty because my self esteem is really low. You need to tell me I am pretty all the time. Sometimes I think I don’t want to live. Please don’t ever leave me, I don’t know what I would do without you.
Sincerely, HURTING SARA
Letter 2
Dear Adam:
My name is POPULAR JANE. I am so busy that I may not have much time to spend with you. I am captain of the dance team. I play soccer on two teams and I take piano and I am in honors everything. Forgot to tell you I am in two after school clubs. I have lots of friends who admire me for how beautiful I am and that I have a new convertible. I want to be upfront, life is about me and what you can do for me. So you need to be the perfect boyfriend and make me look good at all times. I expect you to be romantic especially in how you ask me to parties. I want all the others girls to be jealous of me, how you show me you like me. I love gifts especially jewelry. I don’t like your friends their stupid, so don’t expect me to hang out with you and them all together. I go to church with my parents and church is cool, but I just don’t get it, however it's great place to hang out with friends and be seen.
If we are to someday get married, I will be very expensive to take care, so you should want to make a lot of money. You know I am my daddy’s little princess. I really don’t want to work that is for other people. And one of my pet peeves is that you are not to roll down the windows in your car when I am with you because it will mess my hair up that took me 2 hours to straighten this morning. Oh, I almost forgot I love to talk on the phone, but don’t go deep with me I hate that and that is not what life’s about anyway. Got to go, lots to do, people to see and talk to!
Lots of Love, POPULAR JANE
Letter 3
Dear Adam:
My name is Eve. Our first date was amazing I have never talked to man like you. You are so honest and open. It was so cool you took me to that lookout tower to see the city lights and just to talk to me and get to know me. It was nice on the 2nd date you asked to hold my hand. I just wanted you to know, I really want to wait until I am married to have sex. If that bothers you I understand most boys dump me when they hear that. I kind of think that’s all young men want these days. I hope you’re different. I am very active at church and volunteering my free time at the homeless shelter once a month. I want to study psychology in college so I can work with kids who have mental disorders. My parents are pretty cool and are proud of whom I am. My Dad is really protective so beware. Also, my brother’s look out for me, but I asked them about you and they said you were ok to date. Trust is a big deal for me in a relationship. I will always tell you the truth. I have a lot to give to the man I love. I want to make sure we are friends even if this doesn’t work out between us. I look forward to getting to know you. Thanks for the great first two dates.
Love, Eve
(FOR WOMEN)
I need you to be careful for you hold a power over men you might not understand today. Most of you know this already. God created you as the crowning touch of His creation giving you beauty not only physically but in your whole being. You can stir in men a deep desire for union, for sex. Be careful how you stir them. The clothes you wear the things you say and the touches you give them. These are all signals men process without you knowing it. I don’t think you realize they want more from you than I think most of you want to give. You are equipped differently than men. You are much more in tune with your heart. You sense the Holy Spirit presence in you. Some call it intuition. It is that knowing at a different level than that of the mind. Your inner wisdom and life experiences are just not enough to deal with the longing and desires of your heart. This is what makes your young age so dangerous to your heart. I have seen the most deep and life altering wounds come to women when they are in their teens and early twenties. This is the time when you need to seriously guard your hearts. Most often than not these wounds come because your hearts lead you to what you thought was love and commitment and it wasn’t it.
When love is new it is intoxicating. It feels like nothing could ever go wrong with this. Your right it is beautiful, it is freeing, it is how God wants us to love him and the way He loves us. He gave it to you for a reason to draw you closer to your Adam. However, to develop real love and intimacy it takes time not 2 weeks 2 month but most often years. Not only does it take time, it takes work to know someone intimately. Trust is core and we can only trust another completely as we see how they act, how talk, how these men treat you. A woman friend said to me something that is so true, “everything will be found out sooner or later.” Meaning we need time to know someone deeply before we commit our secrets to them.
Let’s talk about what a good man is about. Let’s set the standards high, for the quest is for your Adam. No halfway, no substitute, no giving in! First a man is about the truth. No half truths no white lies. He is only as good as his word. If he can’t keep his word to you or others get rid of him. This you should not budge on. This is the basis for trust in a relationship. Next is loyalty. He is with you completely or no relationship. If he constantly looking around at other women and not focused on you then this one has to go. Hear this YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN OR DOMESTICATE HIM. NOT your job let a half dozen other women take a try at. Let them realized whose really in control that is God. Advice: A man’s mission in life is not to make your life easier. He and you will need his mission in life to be something bigger. He needs the freedom and encouragement to give and make this a better world and push the Kingdom forward. Let him go fight the war then come back to your love. Give him a safe place to rest from his mission. Encourage him and he will prosper and provide you more love if let him do this.
Why we like bad boys!!!
God will communicate and guide you in this adventure to find your Adam. God’s communications will always be there to assist you. You just have to learn to listen. He loves to help primarily with irritating you. When something bugs you, causes pain your heart or just doesn’t feel right this is Him telling to open your eyes and act. If you ignore His help then for sure you will suffer. Sometimes you might have to suffer in the short term to avoid a major heart break later on. I can tell you I missed countless communications from God and rationalized those irritations away pushed them down to only have them re-appear later as catastrophes.
God has given you beauty, given you the ability to give life, He has given you a heart to share with the world. The world needs you in your full capacity. God made our bodies for one other person to give as a gift to each other as way of expressing love. Sex is the means by which we ultimately express that love. It is a giving up of our most inner secret and gift. It is the total expression of who we are. It is a tying of our spirit to another person. It is an act of rejoining not only with a man but with God. It is a place where you reveal your heart totally. Sex without love wounds our hearts it reduces this love act to physical release robbing your heart of its true need and that is being so connected to another man it creates a temporary heaven on earth, a safe place that no one else can enter no one else can destroy that no one else can understand but you two. It is truly life’s meaning and secret. Please contemplate in your heart before you give this gift to a man. Before you give him your gift for it is not much of a gift you have given the same thing to a handful of other men. I know deep in your hearts that you want to save and protect this for your Adam, your last lover.
THE HONESTY LETTERS for women – If you could ask each new love interest you encounter after the first date to write you a letter this is what each might say. We’ll put a spell of absolute truth on them so they really tell you their thoughts. I don’t think you will need a spell but a simple pray of discernment might help. These are three letters the first from the BAD BOY, the second the SELFISH JOCK, the third from GOOD YOUNG MAN let’s call him your Adam. I hope these help you identify the right men to date.
Letter 1
Dear Eve:
My name is BAD BOY. I graduated last year and I am not sure college is right for me. I am a lot of fun. I like to push life to max. I am dangerous. I take risks I probably shouldn’t. I really can’t stand my parents they don’t understand me. I like to get drunk and sometimes smoke pot. Again I like to live life to the fullest. Sex is important to me because its fun and feels good. I hope you like sex because I expect it and the sooner the better. I have had lots of girlfriends some call me a player. I am popular and good looking as you know. Life is about what I can get from it. I have a fast car in which I like to push to the limits, probably not so safe at times. I really don’t want to meet your dad but if you make me I will. My friends will say bad things about you if you try to make me no fun. I will tell you what I what you want to hear so I can get what I want. I don’t like your friends, they talk too much. Why do you like your parents? You’re too emotional. So it’s really about me you should know that and as long as I get what I want I will keep you around. Love who needs love lets just have fun and not be serious.
See you Saturday night, meet me a Ben’s party. I will get some alcohol for you. See if you can spend the night at a friend’s where you can stay out late! Your parents are too strict. Got to go!
Bad Boy
Letter 2
Dear Eve:
My name is SELFISH JOCK. I am the stud running back on the football team and I lettered when I was a sophomore. I live in that real expensive neighborhood just down the street from the school. You should come over to check it out. I got a new porche for my birthday last year because I got better than a “C” average on my report card. Let’s get things started right in this relationship. I want you to look good when you’re with me. That’s right I have an image to up hold. I only date the pretty most popular girls. Don’t be embarrassed if I tell all my buddies about our relationship and especially the sex part. Man they love to hear how good I am. My parents think I hung the moon and that I do nothing wrong. I like to drink but not during football can’t risk a MIP, coach would bench me for sure. I will meet your dad and act like a gentleman so you can be rest assured too that your mom will love my charm, my nice guy approach always works. Why do you talk so much? That bugs me a lot. I don’t like prudes are you one? Why do you spend so much time at church? Isn’t it boring? Do your parents make you go? Don’t ask me to go I will feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to get to serious, just serious enough to have sex with you. My friends are more important than you. If I start blowing you off and not paying attention to you then that’s a sign I don’t want to date you anymore. I am trying to let you down easy so you will not be hurt. I have a hard time being honest and I am not sure what I want in a woman, so if I change my mind you will have to guess.
See ya soon, SELFISH JOCK
Letter 3
Dear Eve:
My name is Adam and I had a great time with you over the past two dates. Our conversations were amazing. I love that you go to church and are passionate about helping people. I like your smile it lights up the room. I can listen to you talk all night, sorry about the late night calls but it so nice to go to bed knowing that I met a really cool girl. I have to be honest having sex is really risky you know with pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases! If any of that happened it would really change my life. I really hope you want to wait too. I really want to give you a kiss so when you’re ready please let me know. It was nice that your dad is so worried about you when he talked to me before our first date. What a good dad you have that is awesome and makes me feel better about who you are. Your mom invited me to dinner next week that sounds like fun to get to know them better. I hope your brother likes me. I am looking forward to getting to know you. If I ever make you feel upset or something goes wrong between us I hope you know that you can tell me anything and I will not judge you.
As you know my work, school and my passion for soccer are important to me. But I want you to know you are important too. I would really enjoy you watching me play and I so want to see you dance. As I told you on the first date I am a pretty private and trust is important. You are amazing thanks for giving me a chance to get to know you.
Sincerely, Adam
Can you tell the different perspective on life each of these young men have? See how the focus should be on you? Do you feel the heart of the Adam letter? I pray that God gives you the ability to discern with your heart the truth. Let us remember the words Paul used in letter to the Corinthians about Love. If there is a passage ever to keep with you it is this:
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 12 The Message)
It is also important to know what love and life is not so we turn to Galatians 5:
16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
I want to leave you with a challenge. Your parents have been through all this themselves. Maybe not the exactly the same way you are going through things but I bet if you seek their knowledge and wisdom they will open up a wealth of wisdom that you can surely use. I know it’s difficult to talk to them about these things it may be tough to start but be persistant and keeping an open heart will help you develop a new rapport with them. Remember something in them doesn’t want to tell you the mistakes and bad decisions they made because they think it will be a license for you to make those same ones. Because they drank at an early age doesn’t give you the right either. They probably don’t want to tell you all the icky details of their mistakes either just don’t judge them for their own mistakes it has made them who they are and that’s why you love them. Most young people I know don’t want to make the mistakes of their parents. They want to be better people to have more joy and love and less pain.
We all learn best from Story. It is why the bible is a collection of thousands of stories otherwise called parables. We all have a story to tell even at your age. In the end the choices you make are yours to live with forever. The ones you make now will affect you the rest of your story. The question is what story do you want to tell your kids in the future good ones or bad ones?
What I am about to tell you comes from deep in my heart. It is from years of experience and how if I could do it over I would do it differently. I want you to have an unbelievable life filled with Love. In a way I know you will make a lot of mistakes like I have in trying to find love. I just hope I can make a difference and show you some of the pitfalls to avoid. I hope you know you too can find love. I pray you don’t miss it like some many people have and die without finding your true Adam/Eve. You can choose here to numb up, give into what culture is teaching you or you can embrace a different way of life. One that Jesus came to tell us about living and loving from our heart. This is the life God intended you to have. Here is what I tell my daughters and son. At the end I have written some honesty letters I hope you will use as you purse finding love.
I would do it differently but no one told me these things I am telling you. I think we as parents are afraid if we tell you our mistakes you will want to make the same ones! I doubt that. You will make different ones. I want to equip you with wisdom and tools to help you navigate life. This is really important for most of us the pain in life is from making poor choices about love because no one taught us these relationship skills early on it our lives. We just had to figure this out by trial and error.
(FOR MEN)
Young men you have tremendous power and influence over young women. They seek and want your approval which causes them to want to please you. This wanting to please you sexually is not out of love but out of the need to be accepted by you. So remember when you ask her to have sex with you that you are taking something very precious from her. You are taking part of her heart, her gift and you are trying to fit that missing rib piece. You cannot give it back to her through words or any deeds. You take a small piece of her flesh, her spirit. In my experience I live with the thought of everyone woman I have had intimate relations with and today that does not feel right in my heart.
As men we find ourselves pursuing woman with all sorts of energy and charm. We romance them. We treat them like gifts they are. This courting process is very intense and the women love it. Why do they love it? They soak it up because this is what their hearts dream about to be treated like a princess. The problem comes when we do capture their hearts, we become intimate with them then soon after when the chase is over and thrill of the capture is over we lose interest. We have conquered them got to know them intimately then something in us loses interest so we dump them. The women feel used for they ask why did he pursue me so hard then to have sex with me then he left me. Why I don’t understand I must not be good enough pretty enough, not sexy enough!! Why did we lose interest? I will submit to you all that what drives us to find Eve, to woe her, get to Know her is that innate drive to find our missing piece. I don’t care how old we are 16 or 50 this drive also about us not wanting to be truly alone. We mistakenly call this a sex drive and therefore seek to satisfy it by just a physical act. What I want you to understand that just satisfying the physical desire by using women will cause you and her much harm. You will find out that the physical act done alone with love and commitment creates a bigger need. Lust takes over you will look for more and more experiences to fill this unquenchable desire. This will lead you to high risk sex and porn. Porn will destroy your ability to be truly intimate with a woman. Porn does not require intimacy it doesn’t require you to be a man. It is false sexuality and a sin. Everything around from movies to main stream media to your friends have deceived you by telling you sex is selfish and about gratification. Seriously men this where we get our hearts into lots of trouble, this is not the way to find meaning in life. We are conditioned and rewired to have sex before we develop love and intimacy and commitment. For the most part woman have not be rewired to the extent by culture like we have. They still understand their hearts much better than we do and seek commitment, intimacy and love prior to sex. But they give in to your constant pressure because they fear they will not be like if they don’t and culture is also making them think it’s ok to give in even though their hearts and intuition cry out “NO, I don’t even really know this guy.”
Men you have a huge task in front of you and that is to rewire yourself to control your impulses, to discipline your sexual desire and energies and focus those in other places, hopefully to advance God’s kingdom. You don’t have to conquer women to be a man. You have to be careful with you strength for this ability has been give to use to not find many women but to find that ONE WOMAN your EVE. Save as much as you can for that one. Then when you have found her give her all you got. Give her the Gift of You for a life time, better yet how about for an eternity. I know I know this is a huge sacrifice I struggle with this myself. But I believe and there are men who have done this and the payoff can be more joy than you can believe or you can do it like most of us WRONG be unhappily married, unfulfilled, stressed out and miss out on finding your true EVE. She is out there just don’t settle and don’t give up until you can SAY as Adam said “this is bone of my bone flesh of my flesh”. Her are some signs you found her when your friends all say you are stupid for not marrying her soon. Then you know you have found the right one! J If your friends and family don’t like her beware. Also listen to God he will definitely help primarily through irritations. When you don’t heed the irritations God has shown you then you are doomed for troubles trust me I ignored way to many!
THE HONESTY LETTERS for men – If you could ask each new love interest you encounter after the first date to write you a letter this is what each might say. We’ll put a spell of absolute truth on them so they really tell you their thoughts. I don’t think you will need a spell but a simple pray of discernment might help. These are three letters the first from the HURTING SARA, the second the POPULAR JANE, the third from SWEET HEART let’s call her your Eve. I hope these help you identify the right men to date.
Letter 1
Dear Adam:
I am HURTING SARA. I have a lot of problems and I am depressed most of the time because the mistakes and choices I have made early in my life. I don’t feel safe or right if I am not with a man. I go from one relationship to the next. I hate being alone. I had sex when I was 14 with a guy that was 18. He dumped me after he had sex with me. He said I was too immature. I like to party and drink vodka, it takes away my worries. My parents don’t understand me and pretty much leave me alone. They don’t care when I come home at night. Most of my problems are not my fault. I really don’t enjoy sex, but I will do it to please you, so you will stay around. I wear sexy cloths to get attention. School is a drag. I am not involved in much it just a waste of time. I hope you think I am pretty because my self esteem is really low. You need to tell me I am pretty all the time. Sometimes I think I don’t want to live. Please don’t ever leave me, I don’t know what I would do without you.
Sincerely, HURTING SARA
Letter 2
Dear Adam:
My name is POPULAR JANE. I am so busy that I may not have much time to spend with you. I am captain of the dance team. I play soccer on two teams and I take piano and I am in honors everything. Forgot to tell you I am in two after school clubs. I have lots of friends who admire me for how beautiful I am and that I have a new convertible. I want to be upfront, life is about me and what you can do for me. So you need to be the perfect boyfriend and make me look good at all times. I expect you to be romantic especially in how you ask me to parties. I want all the others girls to be jealous of me, how you show me you like me. I love gifts especially jewelry. I don’t like your friends their stupid, so don’t expect me to hang out with you and them all together. I go to church with my parents and church is cool, but I just don’t get it, however it's great place to hang out with friends and be seen.
If we are to someday get married, I will be very expensive to take care, so you should want to make a lot of money. You know I am my daddy’s little princess. I really don’t want to work that is for other people. And one of my pet peeves is that you are not to roll down the windows in your car when I am with you because it will mess my hair up that took me 2 hours to straighten this morning. Oh, I almost forgot I love to talk on the phone, but don’t go deep with me I hate that and that is not what life’s about anyway. Got to go, lots to do, people to see and talk to!
Lots of Love, POPULAR JANE
Letter 3
Dear Adam:
My name is Eve. Our first date was amazing I have never talked to man like you. You are so honest and open. It was so cool you took me to that lookout tower to see the city lights and just to talk to me and get to know me. It was nice on the 2nd date you asked to hold my hand. I just wanted you to know, I really want to wait until I am married to have sex. If that bothers you I understand most boys dump me when they hear that. I kind of think that’s all young men want these days. I hope you’re different. I am very active at church and volunteering my free time at the homeless shelter once a month. I want to study psychology in college so I can work with kids who have mental disorders. My parents are pretty cool and are proud of whom I am. My Dad is really protective so beware. Also, my brother’s look out for me, but I asked them about you and they said you were ok to date. Trust is a big deal for me in a relationship. I will always tell you the truth. I have a lot to give to the man I love. I want to make sure we are friends even if this doesn’t work out between us. I look forward to getting to know you. Thanks for the great first two dates.
Love, Eve
(FOR WOMEN)
I need you to be careful for you hold a power over men you might not understand today. Most of you know this already. God created you as the crowning touch of His creation giving you beauty not only physically but in your whole being. You can stir in men a deep desire for union, for sex. Be careful how you stir them. The clothes you wear the things you say and the touches you give them. These are all signals men process without you knowing it. I don’t think you realize they want more from you than I think most of you want to give. You are equipped differently than men. You are much more in tune with your heart. You sense the Holy Spirit presence in you. Some call it intuition. It is that knowing at a different level than that of the mind. Your inner wisdom and life experiences are just not enough to deal with the longing and desires of your heart. This is what makes your young age so dangerous to your heart. I have seen the most deep and life altering wounds come to women when they are in their teens and early twenties. This is the time when you need to seriously guard your hearts. Most often than not these wounds come because your hearts lead you to what you thought was love and commitment and it wasn’t it.
When love is new it is intoxicating. It feels like nothing could ever go wrong with this. Your right it is beautiful, it is freeing, it is how God wants us to love him and the way He loves us. He gave it to you for a reason to draw you closer to your Adam. However, to develop real love and intimacy it takes time not 2 weeks 2 month but most often years. Not only does it take time, it takes work to know someone intimately. Trust is core and we can only trust another completely as we see how they act, how talk, how these men treat you. A woman friend said to me something that is so true, “everything will be found out sooner or later.” Meaning we need time to know someone deeply before we commit our secrets to them.
Let’s talk about what a good man is about. Let’s set the standards high, for the quest is for your Adam. No halfway, no substitute, no giving in! First a man is about the truth. No half truths no white lies. He is only as good as his word. If he can’t keep his word to you or others get rid of him. This you should not budge on. This is the basis for trust in a relationship. Next is loyalty. He is with you completely or no relationship. If he constantly looking around at other women and not focused on you then this one has to go. Hear this YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN OR DOMESTICATE HIM. NOT your job let a half dozen other women take a try at. Let them realized whose really in control that is God. Advice: A man’s mission in life is not to make your life easier. He and you will need his mission in life to be something bigger. He needs the freedom and encouragement to give and make this a better world and push the Kingdom forward. Let him go fight the war then come back to your love. Give him a safe place to rest from his mission. Encourage him and he will prosper and provide you more love if let him do this.
Why we like bad boys!!!
God will communicate and guide you in this adventure to find your Adam. God’s communications will always be there to assist you. You just have to learn to listen. He loves to help primarily with irritating you. When something bugs you, causes pain your heart or just doesn’t feel right this is Him telling to open your eyes and act. If you ignore His help then for sure you will suffer. Sometimes you might have to suffer in the short term to avoid a major heart break later on. I can tell you I missed countless communications from God and rationalized those irritations away pushed them down to only have them re-appear later as catastrophes.
God has given you beauty, given you the ability to give life, He has given you a heart to share with the world. The world needs you in your full capacity. God made our bodies for one other person to give as a gift to each other as way of expressing love. Sex is the means by which we ultimately express that love. It is a giving up of our most inner secret and gift. It is the total expression of who we are. It is a tying of our spirit to another person. It is an act of rejoining not only with a man but with God. It is a place where you reveal your heart totally. Sex without love wounds our hearts it reduces this love act to physical release robbing your heart of its true need and that is being so connected to another man it creates a temporary heaven on earth, a safe place that no one else can enter no one else can destroy that no one else can understand but you two. It is truly life’s meaning and secret. Please contemplate in your heart before you give this gift to a man. Before you give him your gift for it is not much of a gift you have given the same thing to a handful of other men. I know deep in your hearts that you want to save and protect this for your Adam, your last lover.
THE HONESTY LETTERS for women – If you could ask each new love interest you encounter after the first date to write you a letter this is what each might say. We’ll put a spell of absolute truth on them so they really tell you their thoughts. I don’t think you will need a spell but a simple pray of discernment might help. These are three letters the first from the BAD BOY, the second the SELFISH JOCK, the third from GOOD YOUNG MAN let’s call him your Adam. I hope these help you identify the right men to date.
Letter 1
Dear Eve:
My name is BAD BOY. I graduated last year and I am not sure college is right for me. I am a lot of fun. I like to push life to max. I am dangerous. I take risks I probably shouldn’t. I really can’t stand my parents they don’t understand me. I like to get drunk and sometimes smoke pot. Again I like to live life to the fullest. Sex is important to me because its fun and feels good. I hope you like sex because I expect it and the sooner the better. I have had lots of girlfriends some call me a player. I am popular and good looking as you know. Life is about what I can get from it. I have a fast car in which I like to push to the limits, probably not so safe at times. I really don’t want to meet your dad but if you make me I will. My friends will say bad things about you if you try to make me no fun. I will tell you what I what you want to hear so I can get what I want. I don’t like your friends, they talk too much. Why do you like your parents? You’re too emotional. So it’s really about me you should know that and as long as I get what I want I will keep you around. Love who needs love lets just have fun and not be serious.
See you Saturday night, meet me a Ben’s party. I will get some alcohol for you. See if you can spend the night at a friend’s where you can stay out late! Your parents are too strict. Got to go!
Bad Boy
Letter 2
Dear Eve:
My name is SELFISH JOCK. I am the stud running back on the football team and I lettered when I was a sophomore. I live in that real expensive neighborhood just down the street from the school. You should come over to check it out. I got a new porche for my birthday last year because I got better than a “C” average on my report card. Let’s get things started right in this relationship. I want you to look good when you’re with me. That’s right I have an image to up hold. I only date the pretty most popular girls. Don’t be embarrassed if I tell all my buddies about our relationship and especially the sex part. Man they love to hear how good I am. My parents think I hung the moon and that I do nothing wrong. I like to drink but not during football can’t risk a MIP, coach would bench me for sure. I will meet your dad and act like a gentleman so you can be rest assured too that your mom will love my charm, my nice guy approach always works. Why do you talk so much? That bugs me a lot. I don’t like prudes are you one? Why do you spend so much time at church? Isn’t it boring? Do your parents make you go? Don’t ask me to go I will feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to get to serious, just serious enough to have sex with you. My friends are more important than you. If I start blowing you off and not paying attention to you then that’s a sign I don’t want to date you anymore. I am trying to let you down easy so you will not be hurt. I have a hard time being honest and I am not sure what I want in a woman, so if I change my mind you will have to guess.
See ya soon, SELFISH JOCK
Letter 3
Dear Eve:
My name is Adam and I had a great time with you over the past two dates. Our conversations were amazing. I love that you go to church and are passionate about helping people. I like your smile it lights up the room. I can listen to you talk all night, sorry about the late night calls but it so nice to go to bed knowing that I met a really cool girl. I have to be honest having sex is really risky you know with pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases! If any of that happened it would really change my life. I really hope you want to wait too. I really want to give you a kiss so when you’re ready please let me know. It was nice that your dad is so worried about you when he talked to me before our first date. What a good dad you have that is awesome and makes me feel better about who you are. Your mom invited me to dinner next week that sounds like fun to get to know them better. I hope your brother likes me. I am looking forward to getting to know you. If I ever make you feel upset or something goes wrong between us I hope you know that you can tell me anything and I will not judge you.
As you know my work, school and my passion for soccer are important to me. But I want you to know you are important too. I would really enjoy you watching me play and I so want to see you dance. As I told you on the first date I am a pretty private and trust is important. You are amazing thanks for giving me a chance to get to know you.
Sincerely, Adam
Can you tell the different perspective on life each of these young men have? See how the focus should be on you? Do you feel the heart of the Adam letter? I pray that God gives you the ability to discern with your heart the truth. Let us remember the words Paul used in letter to the Corinthians about Love. If there is a passage ever to keep with you it is this:
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 12 The Message)
It is also important to know what love and life is not so we turn to Galatians 5:
16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
I want to leave you with a challenge. Your parents have been through all this themselves. Maybe not the exactly the same way you are going through things but I bet if you seek their knowledge and wisdom they will open up a wealth of wisdom that you can surely use. I know it’s difficult to talk to them about these things it may be tough to start but be persistant and keeping an open heart will help you develop a new rapport with them. Remember something in them doesn’t want to tell you the mistakes and bad decisions they made because they think it will be a license for you to make those same ones. Because they drank at an early age doesn’t give you the right either. They probably don’t want to tell you all the icky details of their mistakes either just don’t judge them for their own mistakes it has made them who they are and that’s why you love them. Most young people I know don’t want to make the mistakes of their parents. They want to be better people to have more joy and love and less pain.
We all learn best from Story. It is why the bible is a collection of thousands of stories otherwise called parables. We all have a story to tell even at your age. In the end the choices you make are yours to live with forever. The ones you make now will affect you the rest of your story. The question is what story do you want to tell your kids in the future good ones or bad ones?
Friday, December 05, 2008
Pain
Why is there so much similarity in the pain of pure joy the one that brings us to tears and the pains of failure, losing a loved one, and those wounds of our heart that our closet loved one’s inflict. Love is at the foundation of this pain for our brokenness which is really our failures and loses that having led us away from God. However God uses these to change and move our hearts close to how God wants us to be. Joy is having found God’s Grace in the midst of this painful life for we were made for something greater and we know that deep within ourselves, we were made to be hero’s and lovers. Take a close look at the joy you experience I will bet it wasn’t about any material thing but about an experience where we found our true selves in loving someone else and/or loving ourselves not in an ego self centric way just that feeling I like who I am for that moment.
We find it difficult to love our closest friends and family because this is where we get most of our pain. However we still love them and it is this love contrast of joy and painful wounds that allows us to understand that love is so painful. Why do some of us strive for the middle ground that place of numbness where there are no highs or lows, no tears of joy, no wounds to be had? I would say most of us strive to cut out the bottoms the place where we are wounded. We avoid situations where there is risk of failure or rejection of our true self. But in reality those wounds and rejections just happen even those we avoid them at all cost. This cost is that numbness or middle ground. This is where we find ourselves most of our lives numb, busy and terribly unconnected to our hearts. If we slow down, get quiet and pear into our own hearts we discover the lack of Joy and there is so much pain in that because like I said above we were made for much more, we know it. We need to take the time ask God to give us the eyes and the ears to experience the real contrast of His Kingdom. For God’s is in all the pain. Blessed are those that get to experience the complete pain in the tears of joy and also see God’s redemption in the most painful failures and loses. God knows that if there was no pain that we would not notice Him. So he uses pain for our good. It’s the way he shapes us to His purpose. Pain is necessary and no one is able to avoid it in their lives.
Pain moves us to action. Yes sometimes it moves us to the middle ground but that is good. This is God’s way of protecting us from too much or better put he give us the middle ground as a release valve. He does not want us to stay there but soon after the pains and wounds we usually get a choice to experience joy and redemption this is God’s way of filling us up and making us whole. This where we say “God is Good”.
Let’s get back to Joy and why it hurts. Joy hurts because we know it is fleeting, so temporary for most of us that the middle ground feels like joy to us. Wounds are different those last. They lie under the surface and stay there sometimes for a life time. We bury them in the numbness because we have not let God have them. This numbness and burying is the work of the devil. He uses this as a form to keep us under his reign. This is one of the devil’s main strategies just to keep us numb and lifeless. He knows his kingdom will increase just by shear accumulation of wounds.
However, when we abide in God’s grace we have more opportunities for joy but make no mistake there will be plenty of pain. All pain forces us to change to let go of something for God’s purpose. He uses it to change our hearts. Jesus was very clear about this when he said “Take up your cross and follow Me” (Luke 9:23). What he meant was die to your ego self live for something else. This takes the pain off of us and gives to God. No longer do we bear all the burden of our pain. God is the pain. He wants us to experience with Him. Look for God in the Joy and the wounds. He is there!
We find it difficult to love our closest friends and family because this is where we get most of our pain. However we still love them and it is this love contrast of joy and painful wounds that allows us to understand that love is so painful. Why do some of us strive for the middle ground that place of numbness where there are no highs or lows, no tears of joy, no wounds to be had? I would say most of us strive to cut out the bottoms the place where we are wounded. We avoid situations where there is risk of failure or rejection of our true self. But in reality those wounds and rejections just happen even those we avoid them at all cost. This cost is that numbness or middle ground. This is where we find ourselves most of our lives numb, busy and terribly unconnected to our hearts. If we slow down, get quiet and pear into our own hearts we discover the lack of Joy and there is so much pain in that because like I said above we were made for much more, we know it. We need to take the time ask God to give us the eyes and the ears to experience the real contrast of His Kingdom. For God’s is in all the pain. Blessed are those that get to experience the complete pain in the tears of joy and also see God’s redemption in the most painful failures and loses. God knows that if there was no pain that we would not notice Him. So he uses pain for our good. It’s the way he shapes us to His purpose. Pain is necessary and no one is able to avoid it in their lives.
Pain moves us to action. Yes sometimes it moves us to the middle ground but that is good. This is God’s way of protecting us from too much or better put he give us the middle ground as a release valve. He does not want us to stay there but soon after the pains and wounds we usually get a choice to experience joy and redemption this is God’s way of filling us up and making us whole. This where we say “God is Good”.
Let’s get back to Joy and why it hurts. Joy hurts because we know it is fleeting, so temporary for most of us that the middle ground feels like joy to us. Wounds are different those last. They lie under the surface and stay there sometimes for a life time. We bury them in the numbness because we have not let God have them. This numbness and burying is the work of the devil. He uses this as a form to keep us under his reign. This is one of the devil’s main strategies just to keep us numb and lifeless. He knows his kingdom will increase just by shear accumulation of wounds.
However, when we abide in God’s grace we have more opportunities for joy but make no mistake there will be plenty of pain. All pain forces us to change to let go of something for God’s purpose. He uses it to change our hearts. Jesus was very clear about this when he said “Take up your cross and follow Me” (Luke 9:23). What he meant was die to your ego self live for something else. This takes the pain off of us and gives to God. No longer do we bear all the burden of our pain. God is the pain. He wants us to experience with Him. Look for God in the Joy and the wounds. He is there!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Breathing
This is a continuation of my thoughts on the divine breath. I was so taken back by God as he unveiled the following to me over a sermon and video from Rob Bell pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan. So I continued on a did a little more research using the Net Bible. If you have not used this tool it is awesome to look at the Greek words and definitions. Enjoy for it brought tears to my eyes and how good the Lord is to me.
DEFINITION and Greek translation the English word LORD= yeh-ho-vaw' (it is the sound when we breath try it say it slow a few times:)
Spirit in Greek is the word Pneuma who’s root word is Pneo which is defined as; to breathe.
Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
Luke 23:46 Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And after he said this he breathed his last.
John 20:20-22 20 As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord! 21 Again he said, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” 22 Then he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
The lyrics from the song : This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me
When we breathe each other “in” we are experiencing God’s life giving force, His spirit that is living in us, in every breath we take. In the act of making love of sharing this intimate time of connection, the pure love of God is strong and evident. The breathing of each others spirit ties our hearts and souls together which makes us one with God sharing in His life given force which is pure “love”. This breathe (God’s Love) is linked to directly to our sexuality or better put our complete intimacy with Him. This is why a sex act without love violates the spirit inflicting wounds at the deepest sense of our lives. Rape incest, pornography, lust, and sex for the sake of sex are all acts outside of Love and rob ourselves of God’s breath and in the true sense leaves us empty inside when done.
GOD DOES GIVE and TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.
DEFINITION and Greek translation the English word LORD= yeh-ho-vaw' (it is the sound when we breath try it say it slow a few times:)
Spirit in Greek is the word Pneuma who’s root word is Pneo which is defined as; to breathe.
Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
Luke 23:46 Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And after he said this he breathed his last.
John 20:20-22 20 As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord! 21 Again he said, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” 22 Then he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
The lyrics from the song : This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me
When we breathe each other “in” we are experiencing God’s life giving force, His spirit that is living in us, in every breath we take. In the act of making love of sharing this intimate time of connection, the pure love of God is strong and evident. The breathing of each others spirit ties our hearts and souls together which makes us one with God sharing in His life given force which is pure “love”. This breathe (God’s Love) is linked to directly to our sexuality or better put our complete intimacy with Him. This is why a sex act without love violates the spirit inflicting wounds at the deepest sense of our lives. Rape incest, pornography, lust, and sex for the sake of sex are all acts outside of Love and rob ourselves of God’s breath and in the true sense leaves us empty inside when done.
GOD DOES GIVE and TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
A Sense of Heaven
There is a phenomenon that God lets us experience that give us a taste of what our senses will experience in heaven. This overwhelmingly intoxicating experience is truly a divine gift. This experience starts with gaining a deep sense of intimacy with each other. Really opening our hearts to each other becoming totally vulnerable, totally connected, totally naked, a place where there are no secrets.
We begin settle into a very holy place. A place where the heavens meet this awful world. God comes to meet us with his unsurpassed Love. Here He lets us experience co-creating with Him in this divine act of totally coming together. As our talks deepen we feel drawn to touch each other, we begin to kiss. Our lips touch softly we look into each other’s eyes wanting to know each other’s soul secrets. In this closeness the world around us disappears, we have arrived in this place where our souls and hearts can join together that rib God removed to make Eve is replaced and we are made whole once again.
This is not sex but making love, big difference. As we continue to kiss and breath we notice something different. Each breath through our nose and mouth draws in something peculiar yet familiar. It's not a smell but a stream of energy which when processed through our lungs and nose enlivens our connection to each other drawing us deeper into each others souls and hearts. It is so powerful it makes each of our physical bodies sing with an aliveness. Again its not a scent but an energy, a force. It give us what I call love fuel it fans the fires deep within each of us. The energy is so strong at times I think it will suffocate me.
This must be what heaven will do to our senses upon the death of our bodies. Maybe this is a brief glimpse of what eternity with Him will be like, so intense, so beautiful, so good, so amazing, so worth all the pain of this world. May you breath each other in, may you experience the Love of God in Worshiping Him through this gift.
We begin settle into a very holy place. A place where the heavens meet this awful world. God comes to meet us with his unsurpassed Love. Here He lets us experience co-creating with Him in this divine act of totally coming together. As our talks deepen we feel drawn to touch each other, we begin to kiss. Our lips touch softly we look into each other’s eyes wanting to know each other’s soul secrets. In this closeness the world around us disappears, we have arrived in this place where our souls and hearts can join together that rib God removed to make Eve is replaced and we are made whole once again.
This is not sex but making love, big difference. As we continue to kiss and breath we notice something different. Each breath through our nose and mouth draws in something peculiar yet familiar. It's not a smell but a stream of energy which when processed through our lungs and nose enlivens our connection to each other drawing us deeper into each others souls and hearts. It is so powerful it makes each of our physical bodies sing with an aliveness. Again its not a scent but an energy, a force. It give us what I call love fuel it fans the fires deep within each of us. The energy is so strong at times I think it will suffocate me.
This must be what heaven will do to our senses upon the death of our bodies. Maybe this is a brief glimpse of what eternity with Him will be like, so intense, so beautiful, so good, so amazing, so worth all the pain of this world. May you breath each other in, may you experience the Love of God in Worshiping Him through this gift.
Where I am at today!
A letter to a friend this week reads:
All is well in the war over my heart and the hearts of my family and friends. I still listen to both Piper and Boyd. I enjoy the two points of view. I love Greg Boyd for his view of the Warrior Jesus who came to save us and show us how to fight the real battle for our hearts and how evil so is present in our lives. I love John Piper for his solid theology and reverence. I don’t get too caught up in any one preacher. My faith is not based upon any preacher, pastor or priest. These are men with their own beliefs and take on God’s word. I find little comfort in religion or denominational churchs. I find my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit much more grounded in the Word and in talking, praying and watching God at work in my life and in those around me. Life to me now is much different; it is all Spiritual, it is all about evil and good(love) nothing in between. I don’t DO Christianity, I walk with God and try to do what he ask me to do. I try to live like Christ somehow and read how he said to do life, to do life from the heart and build his kingdom. I find no value in rational thinking, I find value in love. Where that takes me I have not a clue I just try to live differently as did Jesus.
In Service for God!
All is well in the war over my heart and the hearts of my family and friends. I still listen to both Piper and Boyd. I enjoy the two points of view. I love Greg Boyd for his view of the Warrior Jesus who came to save us and show us how to fight the real battle for our hearts and how evil so is present in our lives. I love John Piper for his solid theology and reverence. I don’t get too caught up in any one preacher. My faith is not based upon any preacher, pastor or priest. These are men with their own beliefs and take on God’s word. I find little comfort in religion or denominational churchs. I find my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit much more grounded in the Word and in talking, praying and watching God at work in my life and in those around me. Life to me now is much different; it is all Spiritual, it is all about evil and good(love) nothing in between. I don’t DO Christianity, I walk with God and try to do what he ask me to do. I try to live like Christ somehow and read how he said to do life, to do life from the heart and build his kingdom. I find no value in rational thinking, I find value in love. Where that takes me I have not a clue I just try to live differently as did Jesus.
In Service for God!
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