There’s got to be more to life than this!

Angst: strong worry and unhappiness, especially about personal problems (Cambridge Dictionary)

I have noticed a common sense of “angst” that cuts across almost all of us. There is a sense that life is not what we thought it would be like. There seems to be an undercurrent, especially in those rare times when we truly quiet our minds and assess the status of our hearts. We check in on our hearts and it whispers to us that familiar notion, “I was made for more than I am living; Am I not a king or princess?” We wonder where our life went astray. This sense we are not living out our true purpose. Ask anyone this question and I will bet a “yes” or a blank look as their mind quickly assess if honesty is the best response to keep their facade of “life is good” going.

This noticing of ourselves I believe is a nudge from God who made us in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). God’s image is not shown in our failures or shortcomings. For He created each one of us that we might live a life that glorifies Him (1 Corinthians 10:31)(Isaiah 43:6-7). If God is love (1 John 4:18) and we are His image bearers then our true selves must reflect His love. Love is patience, kind, doesn’t envy, never boastful or conceited, nor rude and never selfish (1 Corinthians 13:4). These are expressed in our compassion, friendship, truthfulness, intimacy, and giving up ourselves for the benefit of others which in turn glorifies God. These actions reflect His nature and our natural self before the Fall of our parents; Adam and Eve.

However, our image is marred by evil. Evil is the thoughts and actions which take us away from glorifying God. The evil has taken hold in each of our hearts because we, like our original parents chose to rely on our own abilities and not of our creator who made us for His purpose. This going away from God’s purpose is the definition of being a sinner. We are totally depraved in the presence of God (Romans 3:9-18) and not worthy of His grace, which He gives to us freely out of no act on our behalf (Genesis 6:5). Yes, I said trying to be good is not what our salvation and our predestined royalty is about. All sin has its roots, very simply, in lying to ourselves, others, and God. This, my friends, is what is keeping us individually and collectively in “angst”. We are constantly fed a stream of lies by evil, the ruler of earth and our culture (Matthew 4:7-10). Evil whispers in our ears that we are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or worthy of anything that is good. This pervasive doubt is why we don’t believe in heaven, for evil has convinced us that there is no such place. So out of this lie and doubt/unbelief, we try to be our own god (little “g”) and create heaven on earth.

We do a pretty good job at creating this false heaven; the heaven on earth I call the “American Dream”. We wall ourselves off to anything that is not comfortable or easy. We worship earthly success over Godliness, for we have become creators and controllers of our own destiny. Any of us who have lived long enough or have been broken realize that we have no control over our existence, life just happens to us. We are so mired in the busyness and mess of our lives we cannot step back and understand the larger story of our lives. It takes being broken to understand, we control nothing. It is the greatest lie the enemy to life tell us; that we can control our lives. We erect these walls out of fear of losing control, for if someone else is truly driving, where will He take us? He may just take us out of our comfort zone.

Most of daily existence is lived in this fear that is outside our walls. These are specially built walls which we think protects us. These visible and invisible walls are constructed in our minds by our beliefs in materialism and consumerism, and is re-enforced by bad behavior modification/suppression (religion) and painted by a pretty coat of numbness. In order to keep our walls up, we must oppress the rest of the planet by hording its resources. Once in a while we peak over the walls and see a broken world that we know needs our help! We look at the wall and tell ourselves “it’s too high, I can’t go over there it’s not safe, and/or I really can’t make a difference in what’s going on over there.” This “looking over the wall” adds to our angst and fear.

I have learned that behavior modification or better put using our own will to try to suppress our evil sinful ways, will only last for short stints, and then our wickedness returns shortly, followed by the guilt of having regressed and failed. This guilty knowing reveals itself in our angst. This behavior modification/suppression is what Religion teaches us and is why most of us at some point left the church and God to get away from the burden of guilt. Jesus spoke of this burden that the religion lays upon their congregations (Matthew 23:1-4) describes why so many don’t want to go to church.

The root of the problem is that culture/evil tells us to love ourselves MORE at the cost of others. This is not the commandment Jesus tells us to live by. He commands us to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves equally (Luke 10:26–28). Jesus commands us to love. Commandments are calls to action, something we do. Therefore, it is not a warm fuzzy feeling He asks us to find in ourselves, but a call to action. Maybe the way out of the guilt and the way to truly live is to look at the root of the problem and that is, who and how should we be loving? We all know the prevailing wisdom set forth by almost all the self help authors. They tell us to love ourselves and to strive for improving ourselves over the call to improve/help others. The message is “get what you want in life by taking it.” Looking at any magazine stand will give anyone a great snap shot on what dozens of so called experts want to tell you and I how to improve ourselves, thus resulting in a more joyful life. If this knowledge of self improvement is so easy, so accessible, and widely read/heard, shouldn’t it be self-evident that our culture is continuing to grow happier and happier, thus each generation is more joyful than the last? I don’t think the state of the world and the American family point to any such reasoning or that the success of these messages is having on us.

In my late teens and twenties, I too fell victim to these self-help shamans, who peddled these false ways. They spoke of prosperity and those things that come with it; fame, fortune, contentment, and safety. I drank the Kool Aide and became drunk on its promises. At some point in my thirties, I had attained everything they spoke of. I had won, or at least I thought. But deep inside there was this gaping hole of discontentment and angst. I tried to ignore it. I did a really good job of keeping my life busy and numb mostly by buying man toys and searching for the next river or outdoor adventure or business to conquer. The walls were doing a good job of keeping me from being able to see myself for what I was made to be. Then God made His will for me evident. He began to break those walls down around me. He took away my prosperity and what He revealed was a man who wanted to love and be loved (John 1:12-13). I began to feel and to have emotions. I now see people not for what they can do for me, but how can I know them and love them with my gifts (John 3:3). My heart and eyes opened to a whole new reality, like going from black/white TV to HDTV. This new way of seeing/feeling life is now filled with a whole range of experiences, from seeing pure evil, pain, suffering, brokenness to joy in finding love and seeing my son smile when he senses my approval, seeing brokenness restored, and all the while watching how God works out His will in others. It is a wild ride my friends. Nothing like I thought life would be like, but at times a sense of content rolls over me. Not often enough but the angst is still there!

I now know the angst feeling is God telling me that He has much more for me beyond this earthly life. He wants me to take my talents and my prosperity and give to those who have been disadvantage by geography, society, government, and economics. I will use this angst, not spur myself onto acquiring more things or in the pursuit if self actualization, but as God’s prodding me to take the gifts and wealth He has entrusted me with and spread it to those that are in need. It also pushes me to tell my story so that others can identify their angst and the hole in their hearts, in hopes they may too find a life worth living in high definition.

We are not alone in this angst and we are not without a guide, a Sheppard (John 10:10-11). Angst connects us all to God’s promise and His will. We just have to love Him and others by taking up our cross (Mark 8:34) and following Jesus for He came to show us the way. By loving others, our action(commandment) of love changes other’s lives for the better and not by sheer coincidence it give us Life and stores rewards for us in Heaven for eternity. Jesus said "for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” (Mark 8:36-36)

May your angst nudge you back towards becoming the man/woman God designed you to be. My hope is you realize, that you are not in control, and that you were made for more. When angst arises it is the holy spirit, your intuition; a helper that Jesus put in the hearts of us all, which guides us to reclaim our true image (John 14:16-18). The answer is contained in our hearts, and by having faith, you and I will work out our way to God by following Jesus and not the ways of culture. Your heart is good. Let others see it. It contains your true image. This journey of the heart will hurt for their will be much suffering in giving up ourselves. Life/Salvation does not come cheaply. Live in angst, but do not ignore it.

I love you all more than you know.

The Work Between

My life is defined better by what I am not. I am not my mistakes and I am definitely not my successes for those are the sounds of a gong. I am sort of working who God wants me to be in the between. Its the between where the numbness and forgetfulness of the works God wants us to do there.

JB on June 23 at 4:49pm
...you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself.... You're not your name.... You're not your problems.... You're not your age.... You are not your hopes.


AS on June 23 at 7:36pm
The life in between part is the best of all. I can vouch.

SM on June 23
hmmm... interesting. But isn´t it a lazy way of trying not to define who you really are? If your are 40 years old, for example, that is a better picture of you than saying that you are not 39, or 43, or 74, or 89, or 95.... no?

The Desire Cure

**BREAKING NEWS** Stoicism is reaching pandemic proportions. (stoicism: the repression of emotion and indifference to pleasure or pain). There is a cure and its free. All you have to do is awaken the desires of your heart. Do YOU remember way back or seen a child laugh one minute the next crying in pain? Desire is good my friends real darn good! Go there...

JB at 11:53am June 18
I have no feeling or reaction to this...
TR at 4:10pm June 18
Is it just me, or is this disorder more likely to affect the male members of our species?
JB at 4:11pm June 18
call it rage contained.
SM at 4:14pm June 18
Uhhh, What?
ME at 4:16pm June 18
Research shows that it is highly contagious especially in Johnson County and most prevalent amongst the men. Our Dad's did not let us get vaccinated even though Mom insisted but that was back when it was a man's world.