If I had to boil down one central idea to give to my friends it is this message that in each of us lies a love question we all need answered. Consider this in your heart do you give life to your wife/husband and/or significant other?
“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
God made Adam first and put him in the Garden with a job to do, a mission to fulfill. In the heart of every fallen man is the self-doubt that wonders, “Am I man enough to climb this mountain God has called me to? Can I fulfill my destiny?” A wise wife will understand that question at the center of her husband’s heart. And she will spend her life answering it, communicating to him in various ways, “Honey, I believe in your call. I know you can do this, by God’s power. Go for it.” In this way, she will breathe life into her man.
God made Eve from Adam, for Adam, to help him follow the call. In the heart of every fallen woman is the self-doubt that wonders, “Do I please you? Am I what you wanted?” A wise husband will understand that question at the center of his wife’s heart. And he will spend his life answering it, communicating to her in various ways, “Darling, you are the one I need. I cherish you. Let me hold you close.” In this way, he will breathe life into his wife.
By Pastor Dr.Ray Orlund
I hope you spend the rest of your time breathing life into your Eve/Adam by answering their question.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 08, 2010
The wounds we deliver - Parenthood
The words of Henri Nouwen, a Jesuit Priest remind me today of words that I have spoken often to my fellow parents that our kids are strangers in our house. We have been given these children to help them find God’s purpose for their lives. What I want to call your attention to is the wounds we give our children that we might not realize we inflict upon them. My own experience is that the greatest wound we can give to our kids is to treat them as our property. When we treat them as if we own them, it brings out own insecurity and lack of faith that God will work out their lives without our control and manipulation. The foundation/covenant of God’s love and therefore ours too is to love. Foundational to love is freedom; a freedom to make decisions as to what is right(towards God’s will) or wrong(away from God’s will). Controlling our kids breeds great anxiety in them by fostering a fear if they do make their own decision and it results in a failure that we might not love them or judge them; judgment is a withdrawal of love.
I have seen and experienced firsthand the lifelong damage that controlling parents have had on their grown children. The results of this judgment and control breed insecure adults who are unable to deal with how hard life is, so they turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex. These coping mechanisms let them feel good temporarily and in the end due to the guilt of the cover up sins, it compounds the original defeating issue resulting in furthering to decrease their self esteem(worth less to God or anyone feeling). Insecurity is really a lack of feeling loved and when we are not loved the burn of loneliness creeps in. A wise psychologist said that these life forces rule our every decision in life; fear of abandonment, need for autonomy, and the need to be connected. Funny thing is this sounds like the basis of love and it came from a non-Christian therapist.
I know and have been guilty of trying to control my kid’s by telling them what do and think in hopes they will not make a mistake. We as parents need to realize our mistakes made us who we are today. Most of you I know well enough to somewhat understand your wounds. It is the healing of those wounds that has made each of us into beautiful works of God and why I enjoy and learn from each of you. God literally broke/killed His only Son in order to give us life. So, I plead with each one of you today to let your kids make mistakes and not control them, so they too can know Jesus and understand that we like Him, love them no matter what they do. My job is to share my experiences with my kids and to create a safe loving environment by which if they do fail/fall that they can come to me and God for comfort and further guidance. If we take the vantage point of controlling them, they will seek someone other than us or God to bear their mistake which is usually not a good thing.
Don’t take my word look at your friends who had controlling judgmental parents. I will bet most of them have issues that are apparent. Take a minute to read the excerpt below. I know you will and especially your kids be blessed by Henri’s wisdom.
The Great Gift of Parenthood
Children are their parents' guests. They come into the space that has been created for them, stay for a while - fifteen, twenty, or twenty-five years - and leave again to create their own space. Although parents speak about "our son" and "our daughter," their children are not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.The greatest gift parents can give their children is their love for each other. Through that love they create an anxiety-free place for their children to grow, encouraging them to develop confidence in themselves and find the freedom to choose their own ways in life.
These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.
I have seen and experienced firsthand the lifelong damage that controlling parents have had on their grown children. The results of this judgment and control breed insecure adults who are unable to deal with how hard life is, so they turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex. These coping mechanisms let them feel good temporarily and in the end due to the guilt of the cover up sins, it compounds the original defeating issue resulting in furthering to decrease their self esteem(worth less to God or anyone feeling). Insecurity is really a lack of feeling loved and when we are not loved the burn of loneliness creeps in. A wise psychologist said that these life forces rule our every decision in life; fear of abandonment, need for autonomy, and the need to be connected. Funny thing is this sounds like the basis of love and it came from a non-Christian therapist.
I know and have been guilty of trying to control my kid’s by telling them what do and think in hopes they will not make a mistake. We as parents need to realize our mistakes made us who we are today. Most of you I know well enough to somewhat understand your wounds. It is the healing of those wounds that has made each of us into beautiful works of God and why I enjoy and learn from each of you. God literally broke/killed His only Son in order to give us life. So, I plead with each one of you today to let your kids make mistakes and not control them, so they too can know Jesus and understand that we like Him, love them no matter what they do. My job is to share my experiences with my kids and to create a safe loving environment by which if they do fail/fall that they can come to me and God for comfort and further guidance. If we take the vantage point of controlling them, they will seek someone other than us or God to bear their mistake which is usually not a good thing.
Don’t take my word look at your friends who had controlling judgmental parents. I will bet most of them have issues that are apparent. Take a minute to read the excerpt below. I know you will and especially your kids be blessed by Henri’s wisdom.
The Great Gift of Parenthood
Children are their parents' guests. They come into the space that has been created for them, stay for a while - fifteen, twenty, or twenty-five years - and leave again to create their own space. Although parents speak about "our son" and "our daughter," their children are not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.The greatest gift parents can give their children is their love for each other. Through that love they create an anxiety-free place for their children to grow, encouraging them to develop confidence in themselves and find the freedom to choose their own ways in life.
These reflections are taken from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Marriage; Contract or Covenant?
Marriage is not a “contract” it is a “covenant”. Contracts are terms “if you fulfill your part, I will fulfill mine.” Covenant is "I will love you with an everlasting love. I will be faithful to you, even when you run away from me, reject me, or betray me." I divorced because my heart was harden in thinking I was in a contract.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Christianity is:
I think we each should ponder William Wilberforce’s quotes below at to what Christianity is about especially his third statement. William was especially jealous to keep clear the right relationship between good works and justification.
Wilberforce said, "Christianity is:
1. a scheme "for justifying the ungodly" [Romans 4:5], by Christ's dying for them "when yet sinners" [Romans 5:6-8],
2. a scheme "for reconciling us to God"—when enemies [Romans 5:10];
3. and for making the fruits of holiness the effects, not the cause, of our being justified and reconciled."
Justification is the doctrine that God pardons, accepts, and declares a sinner to be "just" on the basis of Christ's righteousness (Rom 3:24-26; 4:25; 5:15-21) which results in God's peace (Rom 5:1), His Spirit (Rom 8:4), and salvation. Justification is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ apart from all works and merit of the sinner. Wikipedia
Holiness defined as being or the process of being separated unto God.
Or maybe I can put this into my own words that Christianity is bearing fruit(expressing inward and outward joy in loving Jesus) by letting(given up control) Jesus bare our sins(those things that we do/did not Glorify the Father) that through His gift (no anything we gave/give) of Grace which is a call that we hear in our hearts. The result shows the world around us we love Him. When you truly love someone or something it cannot be helped from being noticed. It is why telling someone you love them doesn’t work as well as the action of loving someone with a hug, kiss, a look and/or just being satisfied or well pleased pleased with them. A good example is that when I am most satisfied in Dean a huge smile comes across his face. This is how God must feel when we are satisfied in His Son.
God is most glorified, when we are most joyful in Him. So our life's purpose is to find JOY in knowing Jesus; He takes care of the rest(fruits).
Wilberforce said, "Christianity is:
1. a scheme "for justifying the ungodly" [Romans 4:5], by Christ's dying for them "when yet sinners" [Romans 5:6-8],
2. a scheme "for reconciling us to God"—when enemies [Romans 5:10];
3. and for making the fruits of holiness the effects, not the cause, of our being justified and reconciled."
Justification is the doctrine that God pardons, accepts, and declares a sinner to be "just" on the basis of Christ's righteousness (Rom 3:24-26; 4:25; 5:15-21) which results in God's peace (Rom 5:1), His Spirit (Rom 8:4), and salvation. Justification is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ apart from all works and merit of the sinner. Wikipedia
Holiness defined as being or the process of being separated unto God.
Or maybe I can put this into my own words that Christianity is bearing fruit(expressing inward and outward joy in loving Jesus) by letting(given up control) Jesus bare our sins(those things that we do/did not Glorify the Father) that through His gift (no anything we gave/give) of Grace which is a call that we hear in our hearts. The result shows the world around us we love Him. When you truly love someone or something it cannot be helped from being noticed. It is why telling someone you love them doesn’t work as well as the action of loving someone with a hug, kiss, a look and/or just being satisfied or well pleased pleased with them. A good example is that when I am most satisfied in Dean a huge smile comes across his face. This is how God must feel when we are satisfied in His Son.
God is most glorified, when we are most joyful in Him. So our life's purpose is to find JOY in knowing Jesus; He takes care of the rest(fruits).
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
The Cup of Loneliness
Today Lord you have burdened my heart and mind to grapple with the misunderstood theme of loneliness; our inescapable call to solitude. This call to solitude is best described by Moses in the account of Adam in the creation story, when Adam realized he was different from all the animals of the world (Genesis 2:20). Adam realized his uniqueness made him feel intensely alone. However, God knew Adam and understood his loneliness and deemed it was not good for Adam to feel this way (quote). Adam needed a helper (Genesis 2:18). This Helper He called Eve. The New King James Bible describes Eve’s role as a “help meet”. I understand this to say, a woman is made to “help man meet” God. Eve is God’s crowning of His creation; the last activity God did before He rested on the seventh day. God designed her to reveal the glory and power of His creation; in her strengths, beauty, and most important ability to bare His children. Eve in her greatest relationship capacities beckons Adam to be in relationship with creation and God. Eve’s image reflects God’s heart; creative, beautiful, graceful, and nurturing. It is God’s love for us that is best shown in the power of a connected, innocence, open hearted woman. This Godly woman is rightly defined in Proverbs 31:10-31. She completes God’s triune Love; man, woman, and God all in one relationship. This triune relationship entirely glorifies God when He is the focus of a man and a woman coming together. God did not intend for us to remove Him from equation. God gives us this relationship as a tangible, earthly, experiential gift for us to use while in our temporary physical lives. Yes, we will only need marriage while here on earth, that in heaven we will not need marriage (Matthew 22:30).
The story of Adam and Eve in the garden shows us how our original parents took upon themselves to remove God from this Tri-union. They thought they only needed each other as a way to escape their loneliness. What they soon learned is their union could only temporarily and partially suppress the loneliness. Marriage is not in itself a true escape from loneliness. It is easy to see how the two-in-one union that was so powerful in the early days of the relationship soon fades and loneliness again sets in to stay until one acts in defiance, in order to break the grip of loneliness. This gets filled in many ways but mostly by self activities or busyness.
This feeling of loneliness is a result of our lack of understanding that God made us to be in a relationship with Him, whether we are married or single. All of us are made unique for God's purposes; this uniqueness gives us each a feeling of aloneness and separateness. He made us to be separated to Him and by this we cannot truly experience true joy unless we stay separated to Him. Most single people find it easier staying separated to God, but for most of us He calls us to marriage. Marriage does not replace being separated to God but calls the union of the man and one in a one flesh covenant to make Him a part of this union. God loves to work in threes as in the Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Marriage covenant is not to make us happy, but to make us "holy" by which I mean it give us a better understanding who God is. We must make God the focal point in our marriages, if we expect them to prosper, let alone survive. The greatest expression of this union is when a man and woman unite in sexual intimacy. This joining of the flesh restores our unity even if it only lasts for a few minutes it still has a strong capacity to quenches our loneliness. Sex when done rightly, is a Glorification of God’s covenant of marriage, thus glorifying the perfection of His original design of sex. Sex does such a phenomenal job at satisfying loneliness. It is easy to how our culture has perverted sex's power. However, this is not the goal of sex but a bi-product of the temporary union. Sex in triune fashion creates and deepens the male, female bond for life.
Let me end these thoughts with what I intended to chase down today in the first place. We all yearn for communion with someone or something greater than ourselves. We are all so desperate to be in communion that we try to fill it with anything we can. There are thousands of things we do in this life to try to remove this feeling of which keeping busy and numb top the list. I will submit a solution, one that will be exceedingly contrary our intellect; that we need to befriend and embrace the pain of our loneliness. As we embrace this pain, it begins to point us back to God as our one true source of life; the one who gave us our hearts. Can you imagine the loneliness that Jesus felt going to the cross? No, but He did it out of the will of His Father and His atoning sacrifice for us; the elect, who chose to believe. Can you fathom what it would be like be on death row just hours to your death? As we approach our death, the unknown of what lies for us on the other side, knowing we cannot take anything with that gave us comfort in the material world or can we take anyone with us. It is this ultimate loneliness where God showed us how much He loves us by killing His one and only Son. The pain of loneliness in this world gives us an opportunity to believe in Jesus; promise to give us life especially when we feel like we are dying in our loneliness. In the end God can only satisfy our loneliness, whether single or married.
My hope is you drink this cup of pain as Jesus did knowing that as your drink of Him. He will restore your heart; a good heart, a new heart, a heart for relationship that includes Him. This loneliness we all have in common, every one of us. It is a place we all understand. It is a place to meet and give your gift to the world. Be lonely my friends; drink as much as you can in those times. It will strengthen you and provide you a passionate heart to love.
The story of Adam and Eve in the garden shows us how our original parents took upon themselves to remove God from this Tri-union. They thought they only needed each other as a way to escape their loneliness. What they soon learned is their union could only temporarily and partially suppress the loneliness. Marriage is not in itself a true escape from loneliness. It is easy to see how the two-in-one union that was so powerful in the early days of the relationship soon fades and loneliness again sets in to stay until one acts in defiance, in order to break the grip of loneliness. This gets filled in many ways but mostly by self activities or busyness.
This feeling of loneliness is a result of our lack of understanding that God made us to be in a relationship with Him, whether we are married or single. All of us are made unique for God's purposes; this uniqueness gives us each a feeling of aloneness and separateness. He made us to be separated to Him and by this we cannot truly experience true joy unless we stay separated to Him. Most single people find it easier staying separated to God, but for most of us He calls us to marriage. Marriage does not replace being separated to God but calls the union of the man and one in a one flesh covenant to make Him a part of this union. God loves to work in threes as in the Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Marriage covenant is not to make us happy, but to make us "holy" by which I mean it give us a better understanding who God is. We must make God the focal point in our marriages, if we expect them to prosper, let alone survive. The greatest expression of this union is when a man and woman unite in sexual intimacy. This joining of the flesh restores our unity even if it only lasts for a few minutes it still has a strong capacity to quenches our loneliness. Sex when done rightly, is a Glorification of God’s covenant of marriage, thus glorifying the perfection of His original design of sex. Sex does such a phenomenal job at satisfying loneliness. It is easy to how our culture has perverted sex's power. However, this is not the goal of sex but a bi-product of the temporary union. Sex in triune fashion creates and deepens the male, female bond for life.
Let me end these thoughts with what I intended to chase down today in the first place. We all yearn for communion with someone or something greater than ourselves. We are all so desperate to be in communion that we try to fill it with anything we can. There are thousands of things we do in this life to try to remove this feeling of which keeping busy and numb top the list. I will submit a solution, one that will be exceedingly contrary our intellect; that we need to befriend and embrace the pain of our loneliness. As we embrace this pain, it begins to point us back to God as our one true source of life; the one who gave us our hearts. Can you imagine the loneliness that Jesus felt going to the cross? No, but He did it out of the will of His Father and His atoning sacrifice for us; the elect, who chose to believe. Can you fathom what it would be like be on death row just hours to your death? As we approach our death, the unknown of what lies for us on the other side, knowing we cannot take anything with that gave us comfort in the material world or can we take anyone with us. It is this ultimate loneliness where God showed us how much He loves us by killing His one and only Son. The pain of loneliness in this world gives us an opportunity to believe in Jesus; promise to give us life especially when we feel like we are dying in our loneliness. In the end God can only satisfy our loneliness, whether single or married.
My hope is you drink this cup of pain as Jesus did knowing that as your drink of Him. He will restore your heart; a good heart, a new heart, a heart for relationship that includes Him. This loneliness we all have in common, every one of us. It is a place we all understand. It is a place to meet and give your gift to the world. Be lonely my friends; drink as much as you can in those times. It will strengthen you and provide you a passionate heart to love.
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